Guys, we’re sure that most of you probably do want to impress your partner. You’re just a bit overwhelmed! Or hockey playoffs are on. (Let’s go Blues!) Or you’re just really concerned about the impending world war and you haven’t made time for your significant other recently. We understand and we want to help. Here are the ten dos and don’ts of a good date:
DON’T plan a date that you won’t enjoy. The goal of the date is mutual fun. If you have an irrational fear of birds, do not try to take your date to the owl sanctuary (even though that’s a really nice date.)
DO turn off your damn phone. I know. I know. It suuuuuuuuuuucks to have to actively listen to the person you love talk without simultaneously having the Chris Rock parody Twitter account beamed directly into your face. Tough shit. DON’T just pick dinner. Dinner is the bare minimum. Or if you do pick dinner, make it a point to try someplace different. Every time you guys talk about wanting to try a restaurant, make a note of it in your phone. The next time you plan a date night, BOOM! Look at all those ideas.
And in general, DO listen when your partner seems interested in something. Men are notoriously bad at hints, I know, I know. So listen for sentences like, “We should totally do that sometime!” THAT’S THE HINT. Open the Notes app of your phone and start jottin’, Steve from Blues Clues, ‘cause you’re about to solve the mystery of where your date wants to go.
Look, we’re all lazy, so DO use Google. Look up “fun things to do you in [your city]” and then ignore the 90 percent of them that are made for families of seven visiting from Branson, Missouri.
DO NOT bring your best friend along. There is a time and a place to have Chet chill with you guys, and it is not on your well-planned date. Chet can find someone else to drink mezcal with for a few hours. Don’t worry so much about Chet. Well, actually do worry about Chet—he saw Boss Baby in theaters twice—just not for tonight.
DO leave your house for the date. Whoever said you can’t go home again is a big fat liar, because you can always come back home after the date. You probably spend most of your non-work time at home. Let home be. Go out. Breathe some fresh air.
DO something silly or childish. The thought (and the follow through) are really what counts. Honestly, you could ask someone to dress up very formally and then take them to Taco Bell. Remember that sense of humor you bragged about having on Tinder all those years ago? Use it.
DON’T spend money for the sake of spending money. Look, if you ask a girl to take a walk with you to get ice cream, that’s already a pretty great date. The bar is very, very, very low. That being said, definitely DON’T be afraid to give us a $250 Target Gift Card if you have one lying around.